Last month, we gave you 10 tips to be a better bottom. A right on hit and fun read! So this month, we decided to entertain you with an article on how to top better. Let's face it, we're (almost) all at some point at "the altar of his ass", ready to worship but unsure of what to do. Mind you, it’s a learning curve — few guys start off on top of the world, so here are some tips and things to keep in mind when you're the one mounting ;-).
1. Have an anatomy lesson.
An ass is so much more than a hole you stick stuff into. Good bottoms know this. Many tops don’t.
Many guys envision the butt as a tight, squishy chute – like a masturbation sleeve. However, it’smore of a tight, squishy chamber with dimensions and curves to it, followed by another chamber, which leads to the small intestine.
There is a strong muscle called the anal spinchter, a circular muscle at the base of the colon (the "hole") that clenches tight for most of our lives. It relaxes when we poop or when we receive toys or dick.
You probably know about the prostate, halfway inside the ass that will be above or below your dick, depending on whether you're in doggy-style or missionary position, and which feels amazing when rubbed. But there's more!
A general primer on how the body processes food and what triggers the digestion process will help you navigate it better. The guy you are fucking is more aware of all this stuff than you are, because it's his body, and he has probably cleaned out beforehand and has a clock running in his head of how long it will be before he might have to clean again.
Get on his level. Learn some anatomy.
2. Slow at first.
The spinchter's natural state is being closed tight, which means you have to go slow at first while your receiving partner gets used to you being inside him. Once he relaxes and gets comfortable and starts to enjoy your cock, only then you can get a little rougher.
The best way to help a guy relax is with a gentle, steady, in-and-out rhythm. He will tell you how slow to go, and you will know when you can speed up, as his body will relax and his hole will automatically open. When this happens, that doesn't mean you can immediately start jackhammering, but it does mean that you can add in a few harder, faster thrusts between slower, gentler ones and see how he responds to them.
3. Get over your fear of dirty butts.
Do not tell your bottom to “clean out well because you don’t like dirty ass”. Saying that will imply shame and – frankly, is so early 2000’s. It is generally assumed that he will have to clean before you guys play.
Good bottoms -- as well as good tops -- gradually learn to lose this fear. Yes, you can clean your ass thoroughly before play, but remember that the body is the body and the ass is the ass, and you are only able to control it to a certain degree.
You can manipulate your body’s function through antidiarrhea pills and you can extend your ability to use it with poppers and drugs, but at some point, the ass will process waste and do what it needs to do. If you spend enough time in the butt, you are going to encounter evidence of that other function.
If you're fucking him and encounter some shit, don't freak out. Responding with disgust can really be traumatizing for him. It's an ass -- it's going to happen at some point. Instead, gently tell him about it, and together decide what to do. Either you will stop and let him clean out, or you will continue.
4. Worry less about your size.
This is a simple one: Experienced bottoms will tell you that a top with less endowment who knows how to fuck well is way better than a well-endowed monster who does not.
5. A good rim job
There is a world of difference between a good rim job and a bad rim job. Some guys just dive in and start licking. This can be hot, but remember that saliva dries out skin, so if you repeat the same motion repeatedly, your rimming will begin to wear on him.
Instead, try to alternate between different patterns as he slowly starts to relax: circles, spirals, zigzags. vary the kind of "tongue stroke" you deliver. Light, quick taps on the hole with the tip of your tongue will give one kind of sensation, while deep, plunging tongue fucks will have a very different one.
Don’t forget to breathe…
Blow on his hole. Breath has different temperatures, which will deliver different sensations. The breath you produce when you make a small mouth and blow as if you are blowing out a candle will typically be cooler in temperature. The breath you make with an open mouth, from the back of the throat, will be warmer (the breath you use to warm your hands in cold winter weather).
Pounding is when you're literally just slamming your dick in his ass as fast as you can, which is phenomenal for a bottom who wants it. If your guy is not ready for it -- if he has not relaxed his ass to that point -- it will simply not be an option.
Jackhammering is when you pull your dick all the way out -- sometimes even completely out of the ass -- then slam it all the way back in to the base. Note: This kind of thrust only comes after fucking for a while, once he has loosened up and is ready for rough sex.
You’ll have the best time when you switch things up between steady, gentle thrusts and sudden, hard ones. Once you both allow your bodies to sync, magic will happen.
All in all, give your bottom a variety of different thrusts, slow to fast, gentle to rough, hold it in for a few seconds and kiss, pull it out for a few seconds and give him a break, jackhammer, pound him, then go gentle, etc. etc. Varying it will help both of you: It helps you keep from climaxing too quickly, and it also gives him different levels of intensity that will help him go longer.
7. Pull out occasionally - this is important.
No matter how much you're enjoying it, it is your responsibility as a good top to pull out on occasion and check for issues. Even if he is not showing any signs of pain, there can be some blood on your dick, which can mean a minor or serious problem.
This is true especially if you're pretty big. He might be feeling amazing, but he could be cut and bleeding on the inside. It’s important to know there is a point inside the anus at which there are no nerve endings, meaning someone can get injured and not feel it.
8. Get experimental with different positions.
Enjoying only one position will make your sex dull for both (or all) parties, and there is always the risk that the one position you like is one your bottom does not enjoy at all.
There are plenty of positions that are worth trying out, and when you involve sex furniture and bondage furniture -- slings, fuck tables, etc. -- an even greater number of positions become available. Get experimental and remember there are countless ways to put your dick in his butt, even if you don’t want to transform your guest room into a sex chamber.
9. Use toys.
Nothing quite replaces a cock, but toys can deliver a lot of different sensations that a dick simply cannot. Just as you can enjoy many different kinds of food, you can also enjoy many different sensations without preferring one over the rest.
You (both) can have a lot of fun from using toys: plugs, dildos, balls, etc. Watch his ass stretch around it, challenge him, coach him through it, reward him when he takes it like a champ.
Toy play can be foreplay or post-sex play. Toys as foreplay get his ass loosened up and relaxed and ready for your cock. Using toys as post-sex play, can be a great alternative when the top reaches an orgasm quickly or prematurely.
It’s not rocket science. Communication is key: tell him what you like, and ask him what he likes. It is OK and actually quite necessary to do so. Talk to him about his body and let him know what feels good. If he's doing something you like, tell him so.
There is never any pressure to perform. If you are being pressured, you are with someone who you should not have sex with. If you want to bottom, bottom. If you want to top, top. If you are a bottom who suddenly wants to top, you should top, and if you're a top who wants to bottom, bottom. If your sex partner is someone who does not encourage your best self, find a different sex partner.