THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND BEFORE GROUP SEX

Being queer means having a world of sexual exploration at your fingertips. That exploration often takes place at sex parties and orgies. Whether you’re new to queer sex or a seasoned pro, you should join in. Here are tips to get you started:

The buddy system works at sex parties, too. Friends make orgies better. Whether you’re going to a private party in someone's condo or a public one with a coat check and pricey admittance fee, you’re probably going to be a little nervous and feel a little overwhelmed. Go with a friend, preferably one with benefits, and you’ll have a familiar face nearby in case you need one.

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The location makes a huge difference. Public venues (warehouses, sex clubs, bathhouses) may require a ticket or charge an admittance fee. House parties in private residences are usually free, but not always larger ones may require a fee or have a suggested donation.

Sex parties in private residences are, well, private, and usually smaller, so the expectations of attendees are different. They may be invite-only, or you may need to “know a guy,” and there will sometimes be a host whom you need to thank. You may be expected to play with everyone there, or at least not be obvious as to who you’re less interested in. Parties like these can be more personal than those at a public venue, but that comes with its own benefits and drawbacks, too.

On the other hand, there are virtually no expectations of attendees in public spaces. You can do what you want. You can watch, participate, play in a group, or tuck away to a semi-private space for more one-on-one action.

Remember that many sex parties require a specific dress code — jockstrap or nude only, for example. Others are gear-focused and require you to wear certain attire. Many are male-only, but some are mixed.

Some parties ask you to hide your features with a hood or mask. Some may feature drug use; others are exclusively sober. Some parties are condom-friendly; others are bareback-only. Know what kind of party or venue you’re going to so you can be prepared to make choices within your comfort levels once you’re there.

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Even if the host says lube or condoms (or whatever you need) will be available, it’s always best to bring your own.

If you go to a bareback sex party and pull out condoms, you might be asked to leave. If the party is condom-only and you show up ready to play bare, you may also be asked to leave. Find out beforehand what the condom policy is, never assume.

 

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Never assume there will be someplace for you to clean out at a sex party, while many make this an option, many more don’t. And while you don’t have to douche to the bottom, if you feel like you need to, you should prepare beforehand.

 There are few things in life more frustrating than preparing for an awesome party, arriving, seeing the sexy crowd, and realizing you’re not good to go. That can be crushing at the moment, but don’t let it ruin your weekend. There’s always another sex party.

If you’re not willing to top, enjoy oral sex, or simply watch and get off, go home and watch Netflix or cuddle with a friend, and try not to beat yourself up. It happens to everyone. Every single man who has sex with men has been in that situation.

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This is an amateur move; a good sex party host never reveals other attendees. The unspoken agreement you make when you arrive at most sex parties is one of complicity and anonymity. You’re there to have sex. Everyone else is, too.

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Go minimal. Wear gym shorts, a jockstrap, socks, shoes, and a T-shirt. That’s it. Wear clothes you don’t mind stuffing into a locker that hasn’t been cleaned since the last person who used it, or clothes you wouldn’t mind getting soiled or stained.

If the party has a fetish gear dress code, you must wear fetish gear. A jockstrap and harness might not even be enough. A true gear party will have doormen to evaluate if you’re wearing adequate attire, and they will turn you away if you’re not.

Also, if the party says “jockstrap or naked only,” yes, you will have to strip down to your jockstrap, if you’re wearing one, or go naked.

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Don't be afraid to crack a smile or a joke. Sometimes a horny atmosphere can leave people self conscious. Relax, enjoy yourself, and have a laugh. It should be pretty easy to do so. Most parties are BYOB or serve alcohol or other fun stuff, so there's plenty of “social lubricant”. Once you make that killer joke about lube, things will probably go pretty smoothly.